


The Truth, The Whole Truth, and Everything But The Truth

by abrandneweeveelution



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Because Some Are Related, Both Harry And Draco Are Closeted, But Draco's So Far In The Closet, But Make Sure You Read These Tags In Order Anyways, But no, But not at first, Diary/Journal, Don't get me wrong, Draco Malfoy Needs a Hug, Draco Malfoy in Denial, Draco’s dad is anti lgbt, Drarry, First Kiss, Fluff, Gay OCs, Harry Realizes His Feelings First, Harry is Draco's Secret Admirer, I am just trying not to fuck something up for once. Can I not do that?, I have no idea how to do tags, I love him, I used an emoji in the tags, I'm Going To Be Updating These Tags Constantly, Luna Lovegood & Draco Malfoy Friendship, Multi, Pre-Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Semi-Daily Updates, So You Might Want To Check Them Often, The Weasley Twins are Awesome, There Is A Line In The Middle Of These Tags, What Have I Done, Yr by yr, also i'm trying my best to stick to canon from year two onward, because honestly that's how he seems in the books, but sorry about the first year, but that comes later, harry’s stuck in an abusive home and draco just wants to help, he's practically in narnia, i'm just trying to be realistic here, of course, ron is a ficking homophobe, someone should seriously call CASA on them, the Dursleys are abusive, theyre lucky enough to take on moldymort and still survive without a scar
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:40:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 3,608
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24913999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/abrandneweeveelution/pseuds/abrandneweeveelution
Summary: Draco's diary. He doesn'tthinkthat he has a crush on Harry, but his journal implies otherwise...
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Pansy Parkinson/Hermione Granger
Comments: 31
Kudos: 73





	1. Year 1-September-First Times

_ **September 1st** _

I saw him for the first time on the train today. For some reason, I couldn't say anything for a few seconds. I just stood there, staring at his green eyes and messy hair...

What did he do to me? Was it a curse, a hex, or a jinx? 

I wonder...


	2. Year 1-October-Halloween

_ **October 31st** _

Quirell was trying to teach the class about the dangers of the world, but I think I was just staring at Harry. Again. At his pretty skin, and at his maroon robes that look _just right_ on him...

I still don't know what I'm trying to tell myself here.


	3. Year 1-November-Quidditch

_ **November 6th** _

Today is the first Quidditch game of the year. Harry's going to be Gryffindor Seeker, apparently. People are telling him one of three things: either that he's going to be brilliant, he's going to kill himself, or that they're going to be running around below him holding a mattress in case he falls. I'm stuck between the last two groups.

* * *

_ **November 6th, two hours later** _

He actually played really well. (If you count swallowing a ball as playing a game, that is.) I wish I was able to play Quidditch. Did he get the chance only because he's the bloody Chosen One? or is it just because he was so _good_? How long has he been playing?


	4. Year 1-December-Christmas

_ **December 25th** _

I'm sitting here, opening presents with my family, and I'm supposed to be having a good time. So why can't I stop thinking about how Harry's probably having a better Christmas than me, even while stuck at Hogwarts?


	5. Year 1-January-New Years, New Viewpoints

_ **January 1st** _

I've never done two diary entries in six days before. But I feel like Christmas and New Years are unique. So they deserve proper documentation to preserve the beauty of lounging on a couch, laughing with the rest of your family, watching the Muggles set off "fireworks", drinking butterbeer, and swapping stories about school, life, and a million other things.

It's moments like these that make me think, ' _Draco, if you keep going like this, you might figure out the world someday._ '

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I am so sorry for forgetting to post this before I posted February. Plz read this and, if you've already read February, re-read February to get the story straightened out in your heads.


	6. Year 1-February-Secret Admirer

_ **February 14th** _

I got a valentine from someone claiming to be my secret admirer:

_I wish you could tell me what you do to enchant me._

_You may be petulant, but that trait has never mattered less, what with all your mysteries._

_I'd like to unravel your secrets, and if not those, at least your heart,_

_So that you might let me in, and we won't be worlds apart._

_From someone who hasn't come out yet,_

_Your secret admirer._

I was surprised when I caught Harry looking over at my table as I opened the note. He was blushing from the moment he saw the colour of the owl. Was it him? No, it couldn't be. He's the one who's always complaining about me, who follows me around and tells his friends that I'm plotting something. 

I don't particularly want it to be him, anyways. He's a _Gryffindor._ What would my father say if I brought home the bloody Boy Who Lived? He'd most likely disown me and leave me to fend for myself. On second thought, is being afraid of your father the same as not liking someone?

Well, I have to go now anyway; I have Astronomy in five minutes. I will likely record my observations further after class.

_ **February 15th** _

I reread my last entry, and I have decided that, no, being afraid of your father is not the same thing as not being infatuated with someone. But still. He's a boy. 

Does that matter?


	7. Year 1-March- Luna and Draco

_ **March 6th** _

Last night, about an hour before curfew, Luna Lovegood came up to me where I was sitting on the Great Lawn. She tried to make small talk with me, but it turned into a discussion about the stars.

" _You know,_ " she had said as she sat down next to me on the grass, " _we're technically both named after astronomy._ "

" _Yeah, I know,_ " I had replied, pointing at my star, Draco. " _My mother would always tell me a story of how she had been stargazing with my father one night, and_ _they looked up, and Draco was the only star they could see in the cloudy sky. It felt like a prediction to them, and that's why they named me after a star._ " I turned to her and shrugged. " _It was also because of tales my father's mother used to tell, about a dragon with knowledge of the world and the courage of a million warriors. They wanted me to possess the fierceness of that dragon and the smarts and cunningness as well, so that I could be the best version of myself and so that I would know how to get there._ "

Luna smiled, and I knew that she had remembered something, presumably from her childhood. " _My parents named me after the moon,_ " she told me, closing her eyes and leaning back on her elbows. " _'Luna' means 'moon' in Spanish. They wanted me to shed my brightness over others and make the world the best place it could be._ "

After watching the school for about six months, I knew that, yes, she was doing the best she could to stay as bright as the moon. She had never stopped reflecting the rest of us, never stopped showing us our best qualities. The moon is amazing, and it can do beautiful things.


	8. Year 1-April-April Showers

_ **April 5th** _

There was another Quidditch match today. Harry was amazing. The other team was too, but he was-- I can't really describe it. As he came back into the air at the end, the Snitch held in his hand high in the air, I swear, he looked at me and _smiled_. I was extremely startled from it, but I managed to smile back. He instantly went pink and looked towards Ron and Hermione. Sadly...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to figure out when the Sorcerer's (or Philosopher's) Stone event happened; sadly, I don't have the book, so I'm sorry if I get the timeline wrong.  
> Keep Calm and Drarry On,   
> A_Gay_Mess


	9. Year 1-May-Flowers

_ **May 15t** _ _ **h** _

For some reason, there was a maroon lily sitting on my desk today in Charms. A gold string was tied around the stem, attaching a note to the flower. It said,

_Hope you have an amazing summer._

_Wish I could see you over it, but not everyone gets a happy ending._

_Still watching from Gryffindor,_

_your secret admirer._

" _You too,_ " I had murmured, looking down at the first line of the note. " _You too._ "

At least my list of potential suspects was narrowed down to under twenty. 

And I have one main suspect who stands out from the rest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post yesterday. I was running on three hours of sleep, and I was scared of what might come out of my brain.  
> Also, the May chapters will always be on the 15th, to celebrate my birthday!  
> Keep calm and Drarry (and Pansmione and Deamus) on,   
> A_Gay_Mess


	10. Year 2-September-Here We Go Again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not going to do the summer months unless i think of some thing that would be relevant to the story.

**_ September 1st _ **

I’m sitting here with Crabbe, Goyle, and Pansy, and Pansy just said something that I’m never going to stop being surprised about.

” _You know,_ ” she said, looking out the window, her voice soft, “ _I kind of like Hermione._ ”

” _She’s a_ girl _, though, Pansy._ ” I was suddenly struck with a realization. “ _Pansy. Are you a lesbian?”_

_”So what if I am, Dray?_ ” She looked at me with pleading eyes, silently begging me to understand. “ _So what if I want to snog a girl? It’s the same as snogging a boy, isn’t it?”_

_”True, true,”_ I admitted. She smiled. _“It doesn’t really matter who you kiss as long as they make you happy.”_


	11. Year 2-October-(My) Lock(ed Up)H(e)art

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Take the parentheses out of the name and then take the words/letters out too.   
> A lot of cursing in this chapter, btw.

_ **October 16th** _

Okay, I’ve been rereading my diary entries and I don’t know how in the name of fucking Merlin I didn’t notice it before, but it’s obvious now: I am in love with Harry fucking Potter. The Boy Who fucking Lived.

Another observation: Every time I’ve opened a letter from my “secret admirer”, Harry has been looking at me, and he turns red and looks away when I catch him.

I’m fairly certain that it’s him.


	12. Year 2-November-Lake Water

_**November 12th** _

I spotted Pansy with Hermione today. They were just sitting in the library, studying, talking, and laughing together like friends do. I wonder when Hermione will notice what Pansy _actually_ thinks of her.

_ **November 21st** _

Harry, Ron, and Hermione are officially friends with Pansy now. Well, Harry and Hermione are, at least. Ron doesn't "want a Slytherin to ruin the friendship" by being his friend. He doesn't matter, though, because if two out of three of them accept Pansy, she's staying.

I wonder if she can get me into their friend group, or if I'll have to do it myself.


	13. Year 2-December-Extended Family

_**December 21st** _

Apparently my cousin Eliza is coming over this year for the holidays. She’s staying from Christmas Eve through New Year’s Day. My father told me this morning:

” _Draco, your cousin, Elizabeth, is coming over on Wednesday and staying for a week. I fully expect you to act like the perfect Malfoy heir we’ve taught you to be. If you feel the urge to do anything that deviates from that image, hold it in until she leaves. Understand?”_ I nodded sheepishly. My father is obsessed with me not being anything short of what he thinks I should be. So I just go along with it. What else would I do?

Anyway, that was enough of a reply for him. _”Good. Now go find Dobby and tell him to prepare the guest room that looks out onto the courtyard.”_ He looked back down at the letter he had in his hands, and I knew he was finished conversing with me.

I hope that Eliza is more tight-lipped than me, because my father is pretty anti-LGBTQ — and she came out as gay two months ago.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, guys, the title for this chapter is connected to the title for the next chapter, so you might want to read them as though they’re in the same sentence?  
> Also, I know I’m back early, so if you wanted another chapter, thank my parents for letting me use any screens at all (this is an iPad).  
> Keep calm and Drarry on,  
> A_Gay_Mess


	14. Year 2–January—Is Crazy

_**January 15th** _

Eliza’s visit was pretty awesome. She didn’t tell Father; she assumed he already knew, as a matter of fact. So that was good. It just meant less drama to make my holidays horrible.

Ever since we came back from winter break, Harry’s seemed... different. He’s less arrogant, less talkative, less _himself_. What in the name of Merlin happened to him? I haven’t received a note in the week I’ve been back, and usually by now I would have received three, at least. (I just realized how ironic it is that a year and a half ago, I was standing on the train, wondering what happened to me, and now I’m wondering what happened to _him._ )

I might try to go talk to him later. We both got detention, in fact, for getting caught fighting, so that shouldn’t be too hard. I hope it goes well. Wish me luck (even though you’re inanimate, it feels good to have _something_ on my side).

* * *

_**DRACO** _

As Draco approaches the classroom in which Harry is already waiting, he can see Harry’s sharp outline through the door. Harry’s talking to Professor McGonagall about something, and he catches a few snippets of their conversation.

Harry. “...if we were fighting?”

McGonagall. “Because it helps you learn to get along better.” 

Harry. “Fine. I guess...with that.”

As Draco walks into the room, Professor McGonagall looks up from her papers and smiles blandly. “You, boys, are going to be cleaning my classroom. I expect it to be spotless when I come back.” Without a word, she stands up and starts to exit, stopping at the doorway and flicking her wand backward at them. 

Suddenly, a blood red ribbon streams through the air and pulls Harry and Draco together. It wraps around Harry’s right leg and Draco’s left, and fastens in a tight triple knot at the back. McGonagall steps just outside of the classroom’s threshold, tells the two bewildered boys, “Have fun,” and leaves.

Draco groans, “Now look what your fighting got us into,” but, he has to admit, being this close to Harry feels really good. 

“Draco,” Harry starts, and his heart leaps at the sound of his name, “I need to tell you something.

”During our time so far at Hogwarts, I haven’t exactly been the kindest to you. I’ve been rude, and a prat.

”And I’m honestly regretting that. Because I’ve been infatuated with you for over a year now. And it’s fine if you don’t like me; that’s what I’m expecting. But I just needed to get it out of my system.” He looks so broken, so... longing, that Draco can’t help but wonder where the boy on the train went. But he doesn’t mind this version of Harry either.

Draco says quietly, “It was you all along, wasn’t it? Those notes, the flower—it was all you.”

Harry nods, and that simple act is all that’s needed to set Draco over the edge. He grabs the sides of Harry’s head, cupping his ears, winding his fingers into that soft, tangled, black hair, and kisses him.

_**HARRY** _

_I’m kissing Draco. I’m kissing Draco Malfoy._ That thought is the only thing running through his head as he and Draco kiss. 

He tentatively leans into the kiss, and Draco’s mouth opens into his, and their tongues slide together, and it just feels so _right._

He’s kissing a boy.

And he likes it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, chapters are going to be more inconsistent, longer, and more storyline than diary this week. Hope you enjoyed this!  
> Keep calm and Drarry on,   
> A_Gay_Mess


	15. Year 2–February—Love is in th— no, wait, that’s bacon

**_February_ _21st_ **

So, ever since the kiss, things have been really weird with Harry. Every time our eyes meet, he goes pink around the ears, looks away, and doesn’t look back at me. It’s honestly staring to piss me off, the way he can act like nothing happened. The way he can ignore the fact that my heart is bursting inside my chest every time I look at him. I want to scream.

But maybe this is for the best; maybe he’s doing this so that no one finds out. I personally know that, if word spread, my parents would find out. My dad sat me down the day before I went off to Hogwarts and told me in no unclear terms that if I were to cultivate any “desires that were unbefitting for the heir to the Malfoy legacy”, there were appropriate measures he could take to stop them. And I honestly don’t want to find out what those measures are.

What will it take for us to be able to love each other freely?


	16. Year 2–March—What happened here?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Btw I deleted the next chapter BC the story wasn't going the way I had originally planned  
> I seriously need an outline for this fix if it's going to be sixty three chapters.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: mentions of child abuse

_**March 1st** _

So, things have improved a bit with Harry. We’re at least talking to each other again. But he’s not being very open or treating me like someone he has a crush on. I hope we can get back to that level, if not further.

Pansy’s openly dating Hermione now. She has been for like, two weeks. I wish it were that easy for me.

* * *

**_Harry_ **

As Harry approaches the Potions classroom, he sees Draco. Draco’s white-blond hair is shining in the torchlight, and he’s giving off an “I don’t care, but I do care a lot” vibe. Which, of course, sends Harry back to the first day of classes, when he figured out pretty quickly what was distracting him from doing the charm correctly. He can still hear Hermione’s voice in his mind: “ _It’s_ levi- _o_ -sa, _not_ levi-o- _sa.”_ He shudders at the memory. Hermione patronizing him, even if it’s just his imagination, is not what he needs to hear right now.

* * *

When he finally escapes Snape’s classroom again, he heads out to the Quidditch pitch to practice a bit. After about ten minutes, he looks down to see Draco, standing there on the field with his broom, yelling at him to come down. He obliges quickly, pulling a nosedive and then recreating what he did the first time he got on a broom.

After he lands, Draco grabs his shoulder and looks him in the eyes. “We need to talk,” he orders, steering Harry towards the bleachers. Harry stumbles along after him, his broom handle dragging in the dirt. Oh well. He can clean it later.

“Harry, I know you like me, but you aren’t _showing_ it. Why not?” They’ve come to the first row, and Draco’s sitting down, but Harry’s still standing there like a lost child.

”I—I can’t,” he mutters, engaging the bleachers in a staring contest so as to avoid Draco’s eyes. “It’s too dangerous for me. I can’t show it, or—or they’ll find out.”

”Who will?” Draco asks, concerned. “Who are you afraid of? Who are you, Harry Potter, the Boy who Lived, so afraid of?”

”My adopted family. The Dursleys. They want to be as normal as possible, but they can’t because they have me, so if I come out, they’ll just be even more angry at me, and they’re already mad at me for existing.”

Draco reaches up on impulse and grabs Harry’s hands. The day is a cold one, but his hands are warm under Harry’s fingers. “Harry, I promise you that, as long as I’m alive, nothing can hurt you. Not Voldemort, not the Dursleys, not Snape. Nothing.”

Harry sits down next to him on the cold wooden bleachers. As his legs touch the wood, he flinches. Draco looks at him, concerned, and asks, “What happened?”

”The Dursleys, that’s what happened,” he says sharply. “Their punishments have a tendency to get a bit... physical.”

”They raped you?” Draco says, astonished, and Harry laughs bitterly. 

“No, they would never go that far. But they have other methods of hurting me.”

”Harry, pull up your pant leg,” Draco tells him, and Harry looks at him, confounded. 

“What?”

Draco reaches down and pulls Harry’s pant leg up to his knee, and there are faint red marks and bruises all up his leg. “Harry, this isn’t okay,” he says seriously. “You need to tell someone.”

”That’ll just make them worse!” Harry cries. “You don’t understand. They’re the type that doesn’t get discovered, no matter what it is! They’re so lucky, they could face Voldemort and live without a scar!”

”But you can still try,” Draco tells him, and the gentleness in his voice is so surprising that Harry freezes in awe. How was Draco staying so calm when he couldn’t hold his temper through one sentence?

_Because he’s a bloody Malfoy, that’s why._


	17. Year 2-April-The Day He Left His Diary Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> so, I know I promised you angst. You will get that--next year. Sorry, my plan changed, but I have something amazing coming for you guys.

What is going on in here? Also, WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HIM?-Pansy


	18. Year 2-May-Meet Me In The Middle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> another birthday chapter!! (my bday is on the fifteenth of May for you people just joining us)  
> our babies have some surprises in for them next school year 😎

_ **May** **15th** _

Okay. I didn't mean to tell him that Pansy knew. I didn't mean to leave it out. I didn't mean for her to almost tell Granger, who would have told Weasel, that homophobic git.

But it happened anyways.

Oh, fuq. This is not going how I want it to.


	19. Year 3-September-Your Biggest Fear-Part 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter's going to be broken into two parts, not because of length but because I accidentally started this online and then finished it on paper and still need to get the rest of it typed up, but I wanted to deliver something to you guys.

_**September 1st** _

I'm writing this on the train. The lights just went out, and we're stopped for some reason. I'm considering discreetly going to check on Harry or possibly

wait

I just heard a scream.

Who was that?

I know that Sirius Black escaped Azkaban this summer, but I never thought he would be able to get this far this fast. 

I hope he didn't.

* * *

I'm getting fed up with the predictability of our DADA teachers. Our new teacher this year-Professor Lupin-seems really awesome, which, of course, means he's going to attack someone. At least, that's what the statistics say.

* * *

_ **September 6th** _

We had our first DADA lesson with Prof. Lupin today. The topic we were covering was boggarts, and it didn’t go so well for me.

My boggart?

Was me.

But why? Am I really my own worst fear? Or was it an illusion, or am I afraid of having a doppelganger?

 ~~I don't thin~~ ~~It's probably j~~ I really hope that it's one of the latter.

Please, please, let it be one of the last two options.

* * *

_ **Harry** _

He's walking down the corridor with Ron and Hermione, headed towards the Great Hall for lunch on the last day of his first week back. Everything around him is normal - well, normal for Hogwarts, at least; students moving in packs, giggles and laughter bouncing off the walls and ceiling with a soft echo, Peeves zooming around the halls and dropping various items on students' heads - but to Harry, the world feels dull, undefined.

This summer was one of the worst yet. The Dursleys were already bad enough - he has at least three scars from June alone - but then they managed to intercept one of his letters from Draco. He doesn't want to remember it, but what happened after they did is permanently ingrained in his mind. He doesn't feel the fear and torment that he had that day right now, though. Memories can surface at the weirdest times for him. He silently thanks Merlin that he isn't about to break down in the middle of the corridor.

He tries to focus on Ron and Hermione's conversation. "So, you're ditching us to go sit in the library with your _girlfriend_ , are you?" Ron's saying to Hermione, a nasty tone to his voice.

"Oh, shut up," Hermione replies, flicking a hand as though brushing off the comment physically. Her expression is nonchalant, bored, even, but Harry detects a thickness to her voice that worries him a bit. Okay. Apparently he's _not_ going to try to focus on that. He can't deal with emotions right now; if he lets himself feel anything it's going to be something bad, and, again, having a mental breakdown in the middle of the corridor is not on his list of things to do.

"Harry!" A voice calls from behind him in the corridor.

"Oh, look, it's Professor Lupin," Hermione whispers. "Now you can ask him why he didn't give you a turn with the boggart in class today."

"Huh?" Harry mumbles. "Oh, yeah, you're right..." Hermione gives him a strange look, and he knows that she's going to be interrogating him later. But the future stays in the future, and the present is where he needs to be.

He walks over to Professor Lupin. "Hello, sir," he says politely, smiling a bit. "Why did you need me?"

Lupin, who was looking at his hair, starts a bit. "Oh," he says. "Come with me."

As they walk through the corridors towards Lupin's office, Harry asks, "Why didn't you let me face the boggart in class today?"

Professor Lupin stays silent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey, guys. I'm back.  
> So, as you can probably tell, I'm not going to be posting daily on this anymore. It's way too hard to write this daily and still get all my schoolwork done well, in addition to the fact that my parents don't even let me on this site at times. However, I will not be abandoning this story. We're not giving up now, not nineteen chapters in.  
> Also, I might be posting more often for Thanksgiving break, so that's a good thing :))  
> Oh. I'm also going to be changing my standard farewell from this point on.  
> Keep calm and stay strong,  
> ~Col :))


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